“Evolve or die.” – Lilly Tomlin
My husband Jim used to say “I never change,” but of course he did. For instance, he was an angry young man who learned to control his violent temper. Or - a big bear of a guy, he lost lots of weight when diagnosed with diabetes. But he was always very patient when it came to working with his hands.
Snakes as a symbol have changed too. They have been signs for everything from god/desses to devils. But they often symbolize change. As I play around with the metaphor of ‘snakes in the grass’, I wonder if it’s possible for privilaged oppressive patriarchs to change. I must think they can because this memory comes to me when I wonder.
Jim and I once lived next to a ditch that flooded during hard rains. A few times we found 3 or 4-foot-long black snakes washed up on our lawn after the flood receded, which we would put back in the ditch. Once we found such a snake badly tangled in the netting around our blueberry bushes. It was clearly alive, but too tightly bound to move. Jim took out a tiny sharp pair of scissors and slowly, gently – so as not to nip the snake’s skin - snipped each small connecting square of the net apart. He leaned over the snake and snipped for an hour. He knelt more comfortably and snipped for another hour. Taking no breaks, he snipped for another hour. He was not aware of the passing of time. The afternoon was almost gone when the snake was finally free. It didn’t look very healthy, but Jim placed it carefully back in the ditch. We have no idea if it survived.
A friend of my dad, appreciating his steadiness, fondly said he never changed. But I dreamed of him trapping himself in a closet sized room as constricting as tangled netting. His steadiness could be a blessing, but his inability to let go of the privilaged oppressive patterns he was so successfully taught hurt him as much as it hurt anyone. His inability to change only increased his isolation. My Dad died a few months ago, but maybe the snake Jim rescued survived. Maybe some patriarchs, tangled and bound by their privilage and power, can rescue one another.
Have you seen people tied up and bound by their culture’s assumptions? How have they hurt others? How have they injured themselves? Have you seen any of them change? What were some of the factors that helped them change?